As I pack my bags...

I leave Amdavad in 2 days. About to venture into a new world of IIT. And what exactly am I going to do there? Or rather, what am I wishing to do there?

Do I wish to know more about stress and strain analyses? Explore the huge world of finite element analysis? Learn about the mathematics of robotics? Or the properties of new materials? Do I wish to learn about new methods or mechanisms developed? Or to figure out bhp required for a particular machine?

Yes and no.

Yes, because that is what I going to do there! An M.Tech. in mechanical design. But no, because that is not what I wish to do in totality. I shall reflect on it a bit later down the post.

As I pack my bags, and as it happens with all others, nostalgia struck me. The whole process of evaluating what you need or want to carry to IIT and what to leave behind is a seemingly simple but a difficult and time-consuming process. There are things you hold up in your hands, and then like a kaleidoscope, your thoughts run into reverse in the fourth dimension. The little stickers I put up on my schoolbooks and the pack of those, which I saved, to use at a time when they would make the most impact or something, and that time never came... The collection of reflecting stickers that so adorned every bend of steel on my bike, which i later termed as plain ugly... The letters I exchanged with my elder cousin, sometimes written in a long forgotten code-language... And the innumerable rakhis, and greeting cards which I, a sentimental fool you may declare, never felt like throwing away, as if it would be the biggest insult to my relations with them... the clean note-books I never used, the watch that my dad gave me and I broke it later on in life... The many broken key-chains, the many now-hardened rubbers, used up ballpoint pens, and the "chiller" I used to throw into the drawer when I emptied my pockets (they totaled 483.75 rupees!!)... all these may seem like junk to some, but they hold meaning in my life. Yes I do become pragmatic and throw something away, or ask mom to throw away, but there are things I can never give up. Not yet. Like a couple of ball-point pens my best friend gave me, or the never-used-never-can-be-used special-diesel aviation fuel miniature engine I received from dad, or even the many "tattoos" I have which were to be rubbed onto note-book covers, or the many wallets, sketch pens, diaries etc. I could scrap from the darkest corners of my closet. As if a time would come, by magic, and I shall need those things. I know it's too bad to hold on to things, but I do believe that a time comes in life when you hold some thing in your hand and it gives you the highest joy, without having to do what it was made to do.

These 'things', although inanimate, have watched a 6 or 10 years old grow up into the now-me. The walls of my room have seen me laugh, cry, sing, sulk, dance (yeah!), sleep, everything I did. Without ever objecting or passing their views or praises... nothing. Just being there, benign, like the cactus in the desert in those comic strips of snoopy the dog. Never evaluating me, accepting me for what I am. And somehow being within those 4 walls (and the floor and ceiling too) gives that security.

But that security, I know, is something I need to banish. Thinking out of the box, moving on, facing the world, whatever you call it... The bubble-wrapped life not just provides security, but also clamps us down... like a form of death... only difference being that this death is still alive. And this is one of the reasons I want to run away to IIT. To feel insecure once, to face the storm, to face the music, to bell the cat, whatever you may call it.

My four years at my college were interesting. And the complaint I have is that I matured a bit too late. Matured to understand my own goals, or to understand what I wanted to do. I wanted to learn new skills, like playing music, dancing, speaking in front of huge intelligent audience without feeling any sweat, speaking and understanding more languages, and in depth... and so on. But sadly, I could not grasp, or maybe even see, any opportunity coming my way. I developed well as an engineer. But on an all round performance, though my friends insist I did a lot, I myself am not satisfied. And that is what I want to do at IIT. Grasp those opportunities. Come out as not just a brilliant design engineer, but also an above-average package... a khichdi of skills and confidence that would have a charisma of a different level altogether.

Last but not the least reason I wish to join IIT, is that I wish to see my parents financially free. A dream any guy would see, of course. Of course, if I can find them a bahu, it would be excellent!

What will I miss the most? Of course, mom's food. Her constant "kach kach" (nagging, for non-Gujaratis) and anger at my unorganized room which still looks as if it's a room the nazis ravaged way back in 1944. Her love, sensible mature talks, the glass of milk I had every night. Dad's wisdom, how he would always know more than myself even when it came to mechanical engineering which he didn't study. His organized methods, his charisma, everything. My sister and the sibling fights with her. And of course the long walks with my pet. Maybe I won't wish his bites so much! There's going to be a lot more than this that I shall miss.

So I strap the last buckle of my bag, after going through the list of things I need to carry, once again. And I know that I have a goal in front of me and the best platform available. I know there will be times when I will miss home. But I also know that my aims and aspirations are achievable only in the "kurukshetra" of life. I am inspired here by my poem "sailor moves on". And even if that doesn't help, there is always a bottle of 8 p.m. in Mumbai!!!

Cheers!!!