A tirade against unsatiated four years

Exams are finally over. Engineering studies are finally over. Do I feel happy that the ordeal is over? Do I feel sad that now I wont be able to meet the friends I made in college? Well, truthfully, I don't feel either emotion at all.
I tried sounding ebullient after the end of exams. But this facade was as thin as silicon wafers. It's true that I will not suffer the hypocritical decisions of the college management. And I shall not meet many of my friends. But at the end of four years, I feel lost and a lot dissatisfied.
I remember, when I first stepped into this college, I had already gone through a rough patch. And I had decided to make good friends and live a new life in college. I had many expectations. I expected great humorous professors, interactive teaching sessions, great canteen tea, close friends with whom I would hang out and face many adventures, some great girls to befriend and maybe more,  etc etc. And sadly, most of it never came true. There are some harsh facts about life that I suddenly faced. It need not be stated that there were as many girls in our branch, as hairs on Amrish Puri's scalp. But that wasn't a serious flaw in our college.
The very first thing I found out was that most of the teachers weren't teaching at all. They were doing their bloody job. It didn't matter to them what was right or not. It didn't matter to them whether students understood or not. All that mattered to them was the paycheck they received every month. There were a few exceptions. Notably, the professors who taught us EME, MD, DOM, TE1. And sadly the buck stops there (if I have missed out someone please condone the ignorance). I mean, teachers spoon-feeding in schools was okie. But in college? I remember how some professors went on a narcissist speech about their degrees and how much more they know compared with us, when asked a simple question as to why we were studying some method. I remember professors sounding helpful in class and then stating they couldn't teach when approached in teacher's room, because, although they were sitting free, they were supposedly on vacation. I can go on a tirade talking about professors who made us write everything they spoke, who kept blabbering about their past colleges and industrial experience while never showing the relation of those experiences with what we studied, who taught only from university exams point of view, who spoke the text book by rote and couldn't answer a single question outside the pre-determined course, who did masters or Ph.D. just to get higher pay as asst. professor... etc etc. But then, this would take ages to write. I have always wondered all through my four years, why couldn't teachers be a bit more involved in their "work". And how is it worth studying under teachers whose concepts are as sturdy as a sand castle? Why are they full of egos? Its true they are or might be more experienced. But doesn't vanity nullify all accolades? How many of them have done more than what they were required by the college management to do? I had imagined college professors to incite a flame of inquisitiveness in us. And then leave it for us to explore those options. I had imagined them to help us out of our quandaries, not by pulling, but rather by showing the way. I had imagined them to create an aura of intellect around them. I had imagined them to be humble and satiated with a desire to share their knowledge and experience, but not preach them! And sadly, the only one who came close to my expectations was a professor from London, who gave an expert lecture on humanoids. Sadly, our professors failed miserably in all departments.
Sometimes I feel professors shouldn't be blamed so much. Especially when you consider the intellect of our class. Barring a few people, nobody was studying for his/her own thirst. It was a shame to discuss studies with them, when some couldn't even differentiate between horizontal and vertical. And it was more shameful to note that many of them didn't even care about that. And it wasn't just an outcome of reservations. The very people, who supposedly fared well in 12th, fared miserably in making a mark for themselves during study discussions. They were interested in eve teasing, creating trivial jokes, creating troubles, speaking ill of others, etc. It wasn't a surprise, then, that whoever fared well, was left out, treated as an invalid, as an outsider, to be ridiculed and joked about. It wasn't just jealousy, it was their inner diffidence about themselves, that erupted in such forms. There were groups who only talked about creating troubles. And mob culture was rampant. It was shame for me, that sometimes I too succumbed to the temptation and joined them. But many times I had revolted. And met with surprising resistance. They simply didn't want to let go off their safe heaven of diffidence and improve. No, most of them studied for BE degree just because it gave them a nice matrimonial qualification. What was surprising was that even the nicer lot couldn't stand up to the wrong. One more aspect of my fellow students was their hollowness in general friendship. There were some very close groups. But groupism and ghettoism always lead to differences. Very few people were trustworthy. You could never count on many of them, for anything at all. All would agree to go out for the weekend, but then never surface. What made their act wrong was their blatant carelessness in not even informing the rest of us. What however, was disturbing, was to see double standards praised and blunt frankness brandished as hypocrisy. Diplomacy ruled the circles. Whoever called a spade a spade, was considered as a cheat. Very few people could decipher the difference between changing opinion due to new revelations, and blatant hypocrisy. I had tried being a friend of everyone, while many of my classmates were friends with only some people. I always despised ghettoism and tried to be with everyone, and getting close to only some people whose wavelength matched with mine, but still trying to maintain a nice relationship with all. And what rewards did I get? Because I spent time with everyone and not some people in general, I was immediately classified as someone who tags with "other" people, who befriends only girls and few guys. I wonder if friendship meant spending time only and only with those particular guys and no one else. And on top of that, I couldn't fare well when it came to deep friendships. My emotional investments in people resulted in misery due to groupism. I do not state that I was perfect. I made many mistakes too. But shouldn't transparency be considered better than diplomacy? And people seemed to have perfected the art of backbiting. They never seemed to have the guts to stand up and speak anything on the face. The people who acted macho in public were uncomfortable when I spoke on their face when their face was dirty, figuratively speaking. And wasn't speaking on face a better act of friendship than backbiting? And then there were people who kept crying and crying with absolutely no self-respect. And some who kept on blabbering non-sense all through 4 years, some who were the height of pessimism, etc. I felt choked at times, felt my bile churning at their sight. I have nothing against their imperfections, it's their non-acceptance and opacity regarding those points that makes me want to puke on their faces.
Not all mates were like that, though. I enjoyed being with few people because they shared my points of view of frankness. And many were intellectual enough to have a meaningful talk with. And somehow, this intellect always seemed to overshadow their imperfections. I shall always be indebted to them and shall always miss them. Even though small in number, they have always overshadowed the ill of others. And I only wish my friendship with them, stands the test of time.
The lesser said about our management, the better. They have fared too badly, when compared to expectations one must have considering their vast experience. Compulsory spiritual lectures, banning mobiles in campus and then promoting electronics and communications, dividing bus stops on false pretexts of better management, and allowing the buses to spoilt the decorum of campus by parking on the roads, and then preaching the need of proper decorum and discipline, forcing discipline while doing nothing about recreation which was the root of indiscipline by stressed out students, etc are just some of their idiotic decisions. They have always held on to silly trivial issues while letting important issues pass without a blink of an eyelid. They have always kept their own comfort and ease above students needs and advertised the college as an over the counter drug, while failing to understand that there is no better advertisement than students themselves! I shall not divulge into their misdeeds, as it would be too unimpressive.
Well, so after four years, I am confused and dissatisfied. And am wondering about the rest of my life. There are few more questions but those will be explored in the next posts.
Well, four years weren't all that bad, but weren't all that pleasing too. I have mixed feelings; or rather lack any extreme feeling. But yes one thing is for sure - for good or for bad, these four years will be memorable. Always.
Cheers!!!